香港新浪網 MySinaBlog
Moondust | 22nd Sep 2011 | 一般 | (3 Reads)

I just realized this week, that two girls leaving our office this month. We went for lunch to farewell them today. They were so happy to leave. For me, the next most upset news, is my team will move away from me. I will sit all by myself from now on, in front of my boss, of course. I always know, team work has been crucial to me, until now, I know that is also vital to me.

I remember, someone asked me in a job interview, did I leave my last work place happily or sadly? That lead me to think: if I’m happy to leave, that means I was not happy staying in that work place; whereas, if I’m upset to leave, that means I was enjoying that work place so much, but I really have to leave due to some reason, or on the contrary, I really hated that work place.  That is like, in a relationship. When you are really in love with someone, all you want is to stay in that relationship. You never thought of leaving. But when you are really upset in a relationship, all you want to do is to either find a solution, which rarely happens, or simply leave that person, and that is all you can do. For some people, of course, this is a very difficult action.

In my last relationship, from 2000 to 2005.  I really love him, but I had to leave. I know he cannot make the decision, but he cannot give me what I really want in our relationship, with full devotion. So I let him leave, I never call him or see him again. Even I did not see him since then; it has been over 5 years now; I still think of him. Especially at night or when I feel lonely. I know I never stop loving him, even I did not see him, it did not stop. Same as what Julianne Moore quoted in “The End of the Affair”. You don’t see that person, doesn’t mean your love for him stopped. I fully understand it and I fully experienced it. Is it painful, yes, it is. But when you get used to it, you know you are going to live. I did move on with my life. I don’t need him any more in my daily life. But there is still a room inside of me, is locked up with all our past memories. Very strangely, they are only all good ones. I know, that is my golden shadow. But since I can’t keep him in my life, I want to keep him in my memory. I don’t want to pull off my golden shadow from him at all.

I know, one day, I will be healed. One day, I will get over it. One day, I will totally forget about him. He will be a no body to me with no meaning whatsoever. But, it takes time. I don’t know how much more time it will take. But I know one thing for sure - I will live. Because I know, this is the battle between: do I love him more or do I love myself more? However, the following line really really hit me. In fact, I really need it, don't you???

"Love me when I least deserve it because that is when I really need it."


Moondust | 30th May 2011 | 一般 | (11 Reads)
I was all in tears this morning, after reading a blog of a long-distance internet friend in the States, who has passed away while I was so busy with my own life, a little before Thanksgiving in the end of last year.  For this friend of mine, who was able to spend over 3 years to share his experience with lung cancer, on his blog.  He will be missed by his beloved family as well as me, for he is a brave and blessed brother in Christ to be able to share his last few years of life with us.

I have been planning to write a special review for myself, I am in my mid-age, and I found this is a very special year, a very special 10 years review indeed.  I ought to do this before it is too late.  In fact, another local internet friend, also just lost his mother of lung cancer.  She was a fighter, she battle with it over 5 years.  I have compassion for him, for he is a good son and a good man.  Especially as I am a single mother, I can’t imagine if my son lost me one day, how would that make him feel.  Ever since I changed to this new job of mine, I told him there might be a possibility that I need to travel.  He keep asking me everyday in the first month, when will I need to travel?  With his sadness on his face, I know he is worried.  Even leaving for a few days would make him feel very separated already.  I am so glad I have a son, even we depend our lives to each other, but we have each other with strong bonding and attachment.  Thank God for the biggest present He allow me to keep.

10 years ago, I met someone.  I thought he was the love of my life.  Until I realized, he would abandon me in order to protect himself, even when I was pregnant.  I did not know where I got the courage.  I only know; I am the only one who can protect my child.  I was totally ready to be a mother at that time, both mentally and psychologically.  Whoever gets in the way, or who were not helping, was not a problem to me.  The most crucial thing was, I will have this child - no matter what, as I have decided.  I have made that decision solely by myself, aware of all the sacrifice might cause.  There it is; my child is now 7, in his first year of primary school.  A very blessed child, with a kind heart full of love and always willing to share with everyone around him with anything he has.  He has lots of good friends, even though he is a shy boy.

The first few years were the toughest and I can’t really review into the details here, it is still painful deep inside.  My parents were not around me at that time, they couldn’t accept my situation, as traditional Chinese, and it was very difficult for them.  I walked on my own path as I expected. Basically I have used “Work Therapy” to heal my broken heart after the abandonment in the first 3 years.  God blessed me with assistance from my good helper, taken care of my child.  I have been very much blessed in my career as well.  Most of the time, as He provides, I do get what I need with jobs. I have been in three very different industries; I was moving on from secretary to producer, turn into financial planner, then back to supporting the back of house, move on as executive secretary serving senior management now.  The continuity of my profile in the three industries, in advertising, in finance & insurance, and now in hospitality, helped me build my profile constructively.  Coincidentally, I always get the toughest boss, more or less, the most professional and demanding ones.  Fortunately, I love challenges, very much.  Being able to serve the toughest boss; proved that I can perform to the excellence, even under pressure, made me very proud and lead me finding the gifts that God put in me which I never realized.  The main loss however, were the precious years when my son was still young, between the age of 2-4, I was seldom around him, only until late at night and weekends, when I was usually very tired already.  That was also the time I took the least pictures of him.

I was able to serve full time in a ministry from 2009 for 2 years and it was very important for me.  As I have experienced abandonment with a loved one before, then I was being treated badly with injustice in one of my ex-company, even what they did was illegal and imprudent, I did not raise a lawsuit against them.  I prefer to keep my low profile for a better future in my career.  God knows what they did to me.  I have to keep silence, as a single mother I really need the pay cheque; even that was for keeping my mouth shut.  Because of this serving role in the ministry, I was saved, at the economy slide.  I experienced God’s guidance through the past years, and I believe He has His own purpose to put me in that serving role after being treated badly.  I was meant to be under His protection in His life boat, for nurture and rest.

When me and my colleague, the administrator, thought that God must have put us there, purposely to help the organization to grow further after 13 years being managed by the founders.  After two years we served, we realized they were not really ready for such a growth yet.  However, I did the best events they have ever done, while my colleague did the U.S. website they have never done before.  Through that process, now I know, even though sometimes I feel I am only one small piece of puzzle compare to His big picture.  As long as I perform my gifts to the fullest for Him, He use it in every way He can.  The ending was not depending on us, but depending on Him.  We learn and experience His presence through the process, which is the most important part. 

Another big lesson for me, was the growing capacity to forgive, someone might have done something bad to me purposely or accidentally, I learned to forgive them.  Some of them, are still under “work in progress”, the rest of them, I forgive them.  At least, the top boss from my ex-company, after one year I left, he knows the decision he made was a lousy one with ways too much risk, as I could really sue them, while his face will be ruined, and the one he kept and protected turn out to be a pathetic joke.  He was only lucky, because I have God.  I tried my best to listen and follow God’s way.

From the end of last year, I felt some different wisdom started comes in to my mind.  I can’t tell if I am fully recovered from my past, but, I did move on.  I have been studying “Analytical Psychology” for over 10 years, but only becoming more into the practice until the past 2-3 years.  The skills I learned helped me a lot, in accepting my own limits as well as other peoples’ limits.  The trick here is, the more limit you can accept and aware of, the more you can grow your limits, as well as others.  I feel I can see things a lot more clear now, compare to 10-15 years ago.  Moreover, I can truly feel that I can bear a lot more different things, the good vs the bad, the kindness vs the madness, the jerks and the bitches, the cunning vs the gentle, the busy vs the leisure, the hectic vs the quiet time.  The range can be much more versatile, I can allow lots of extremes now.  I am used to be versed into all necessary professional information, tasks and capabilities.  My boss usually only need to give me an A, and I can get to the Z all by myself.  All the problems they gave me, I usually can solve mostly all of them.  But, this vision I have now, is probably inspired and upgraded by the adversity quintessence through out the past years.  It is not like, I am not afraid of anything, but more as I am prepared to act and/or to react, calmly and wisely.  Not sure if it is only being experienced, I can honestly feel the capacity inside is getting bigger and bigger.  There is only one thing I may wish now; that will be to have someone who understand what I am saying here, and to be able to share this peace and wisdom within.  To share and to cherish many more years to come, before we get to write another 10 years review, and the 20 and the 30.  After all, in this world, all we have are the one next to you.  As long as we have each other, we can overcome a lot of trouble as well as to enjoy a lot of rainbow.


Moondust | 13th Apr 2011 | 一般 | (15 Reads)

 還記得我認識何律師於1990年,年少無知的我- 遇到一個充滿智慧的高人- 知道。知道他是太極師傅

何顯貴

香港唯一沒有中學畢業的律師

第一位漁民出身的律師

第一位具律師資格的百萬圓桌(MDRT) 會員的保險從業員

他的生命歷程,證明了命運由自己創造的真理。

何顯貴律師,出身漁民家庭,父母皆目不識丁。同其他漁民子弟一樣,他小學畢業後便留在艇上,協助家庭曬魚謀生,但他一念之間,要為父母爭一口氣,從而改寫自己的前途。

他白天幫忙家計,晚上堅持唸夜校及英專,短短兩三年間已考得中學會考英文科合格,進入律師樓當文員。離開海上生活,名副其實的上岸。

上岸後才知道日子艱難,面對律師樓的繁雜文件,當下明白自己實在不夠料!別人都唸過中學,好歹都懂得中英數,而自己甚麼都不懂!他有千萬個理由可以自卑、氣餒,甚或安於現狀繼續幹他的小文員,但他選擇了發奮上進,充實自己。

「別 人工作八小時,我做夠十小時;別人做文件、入檔案、查田土廳,做完便算,但我會問、會研究。」這股尋根究底的蠻勁令他不僅學得快、學得多,更贏得上司另眼 相看。因果循環,當他以「成熟學生」資格申請參加英國律師會考試時,很多律師都樂於推薦。「努力是不會白費的,做事吃點虧反而會佔大便宜。」

考試肥佬不足懼

何顯貴的律師資格得來不易,粗略的計算,他斷斷續續地考過接近三十次公開試,當中多次「肥佬」紀錄,其中有十二份試卷先後考上了二十四次,並不好受的逢二進一,直到三十六歲才取得英國執業律師資格。

若說考試壓力大,那麼考試比別人多、失敗也不比別人少的何顯貴,有甚麼經驗之談?

「壓力是不存在的,只是心理作用而已。」何顯貴語出驚人,「壓力源於懼怕失敗,而失敗的最壞打算是甚麼?例如金融風暴打擊,生意失敗要破產,又有甚麼大不了?最重要是你能重新站起來,別人會更欣賞你、幫助你、尊重你。」

面 臨失敗、擔心失敗的關口最難過,何顯貴忠告「最重要是把困難、心事講出來,壓力就不會存在。其他人會幫助你,其他解決辦法也會出現,切忌把心事悶在心裡, 想埋一邊,越想越悲觀,越想越走入困局。」他多番強調,每個人最能信賴的人是他的父母,只有父母才會無條件的奉獻。其次是師長。可惜一般人最不肯向父母講 困難、聽父母的意見。

對付失敗有妙法

何顯貴前半生走過的道路,從不一帆風順。跌得多,卻更能學會站得穩。請教他,遇到困難、挫折、打擊、失敗,該怎麼辦?

「辦法是接受現實、面對事實、檢討自己。只有接受現實、面對事實,才有改變厄運的機會。」

然而一般人面對失敗的態度,是怨天尤人。「怪社會對我不好、家庭對我不起,這是逃避心態,不肯面對事實。到頭來只會令自己永遠找不到出路。」

換句話說,克服困難第一招是面對現實,承認自己的失敗。第二招是檢討失敗原因。

「檢討自己也非常重要。自己有多少斤兩?夠不夠料子?自己沒有實力就不要埋怨老天爺。」

第三招是不恥下問。

「我喜歡請教別人。只要能夠放下身段,就有變通辦法。佛教講得很好,人的貢高我慢最壞事,以為自己甚麼都懂,不肯問、不肯學。請教人有很多好處,既能學到東西,別人又覺得你謙虛,最終得益是自己,更何況不費分文。」

勤力之人不苦悶

何顯貴的至理明言是「天無絕人之路,人有自絕之路。」勤力生活,不斷學習,事無大小必有所成,怕只怕以壓力為藉口,逃避現實,縱容自己玩樂發洩。

「勤力是基本功。習慣勤力是個享受。時下的青年人從來不會幫媽媽做家務,突然要他洗隻碗,他會很辛苦,老大不願意,還大發脾氣。做慣了就不當一回事。」

不看電視的何顯貴,珍惜時間的寶貴。「玩慣了就勤力不起來。沒得玩就苦悶,日子難過。反而勤懇工作,間中玩一天,格外開心!勤力的人是不會苦悶的。」他深信勤力三年,三十年幸福;玩樂三年,三十年痛苦。

創造機會靠自己

何 顯貴除了不斷努力學習外,更不斷為自己創造機會。他能人所不能的考上了律師資格,做了十多年律師。律師行業爭相減價,他認為應該轉變,轉做保險。「頭三個 月,只做了一張單,成績慘淡。我看看不是辦法,於是改變策略,在下一季就成交了二十九宗,收取保費一百一十五萬,在行內算是爆炸性的業績。」

兩年後,他開辦壽險法律講座,以自己的法律知識指導保險從業員,令他們對保險法律有更深刻的認識,從而對客戶提供更好的保障。目前他正忙於應付接踵而來的開課邀請。

就連他當年挨世界累壞了身體,學太極強身,結果不但學得一身好本領,還能夠設館授徒,曾在中環的商業大廈購買物業開太極減壓班,桃李滿門。

「我認為人的運氣包括學識加機會。學識不夠,機會到來也枉然。機會是自己找的,不可以守株待兔。」

何顯貴要嘛不做,做起來就是個百分之二百的精進勇猛。他早在七十年代中期已經開始聽佛學講座,九一年到台灣佛光山參加七日出家,明白人生的目標是甚麼。「我很少哭,但這次的經驗卻令我感動得痛哭不止。」回港後,他又參加了妙法寺的短期出家。

「佛 法道盡了人的本性,明白此理,人生就充滿快樂!」由於他對佛法的生活體驗深刻,他被台灣佛光山委任為第一位香港檀講師,而他也常常在香港佛香講堂分享他的 學佛心得,他曾經以「佛教與人際關係」、「佛教與青年」、「佛教與健康」、「退步原來是向前」為講題公開演講,深受信眾的歡迎。. . . . . .


Moondust | 23rd Feb 2011 | 一般 | (47 Reads)

兩年前同一時期在二月,很奇怪但很相像的事情。

當時在一五星酒店為一個能力低但剛剛上任的老闆工作, 跟這種人工作很困難,又要幫他補菲又要留他面子。根本不是他僱用我在前,他也不情願地要我在後。他並不在乎誰伺候他。僅僅只是他低估他有多需要一個得力的助手,並同時完全高估了他自己的能力。終於他一次過借刀殺人,消滅了我和其他一些同事。當然是大班發下的刀,反正大班不理會是向誰開刀,總之交人就可以了。欲加之罪,可挽無詞。

兩年後,我現在工作的老闆,我相信是一個正直的人。他是一個有博士學歷,但並不是絕對的專業人士。最後,他所做的跟以的那個庸人也不是太大分別吧。這個博士是一個牧師,他和他們所謂的管理團隊,對一個有能力的女孩盲目作了一個虛假的指控但她沒有犯錯, 只有犯著誰吧了她犯著了那個做了十五年但能力的老臣子他們的指控當然是跟老臣子的安排而至。只因女孩她在作這個構最龐大的一個工程-用於美國的網站。老臣子沒能力博士牧師交給這女孩全力去;她卻變成了在中間的磨心。 他們管理團隊沒有核實,澄清和/或道歉,有能力的女孩不能忍受不必要的虛假指控, 最後她在完成這網站工程的那天辭職了。我真的想要跟她一起離開。 我無法忍受看到不義的事情發生在這樣一個應該正義的地方,他們都應該是正義的,他們一生都是牧師。 他們目睹了誣告也不承認他們的錯,沒有作出一次正確的澄清。 這是一項集體的犯罪。哇。當他們都變成聾子, 啞巴和瞎子, 我感到震驚。我不會說我對他們感到失望。我只是覺得那有特殊權力的老臣子這樣那樣驅動管理層。我根本不知道下次會發生什麼事情了。 相信走為上著是脫身唯一方法。

在這裡我學到了什麼?基督徒和非基督徒都一樣,這種野心可以變成消滅任何人或事的刀 每當有人有一個隱藏的動機,就是這樣。 此外,人長大了必須認識到人的限制,自己的限制 別人的限制因為我們都是人。但當有人操縱他人活在他或她自身的局限沒有意識到。這個人根本沒有能力進步增長。但是,他們沒有權阻止其他人成長,這是完全不對的。知人善任需要胸慷。 老臣子其實應該急流勇退,給自己留點面子才對。 否則又要以真面目視人又變成了無兵師令,最終只有死路一條就是做死自己。 雖然這次我只是證人一,但感覺同樣可怕。但我相信神是叫我要做一面鏡子, 反正
老臣子已消滅了多人   

經此一事我有一些線索,為什麼我過去的經驗這趨勢這樣發生。當我年輕的時候,每倆三年我總是問自己,接下來作什麼。 從初級秘書,做到製片再做到金融規劃,又做過五星酒店餐飲總管助理,終於安頓下來擔任執行秘書。我知道我轉化。從我的基本秘書技能,現在我與人際溝通能力和清晰表達能力管理員或客戶所必需的,還有我能以專業的方式處理文字和編寫文件的知識是銷售所必要的,我也有跟近項目管理技能,是現在有對大多數高級職位所必要,財務規劃技能增加了數字敏感性。我很高興,儘管我不是大學畢業沒有浪費任何我在職業生涯裏的時間,以上所有技能都是我通過過去的工作經驗學會了。我很高興我仍然感覺自己很年輕,因為我心裡仍然渴望學習新事物 剛好和那老臣子相反。

我的好朋友提醒我,上帝是遠遠大於我們的環境。 那麼我想知道,我是不是太缪小,對祂來說太微不足道 是,我一直在看得自己太大,太天真?!  我知道祂的意思要在我身上,因為對我們每一個人都有一個同的方法來教導我們成長不要懷疑是我朋友的提醒。 我的問題是什麼時候冬天才過去,春天何時才來臨但願我的救世主來拯救我,帶我離開這裡或者能找到我的新徑,讓我了之吧工作是我每天十個小時的生命,在這裡已經過了太多的“浪費時間”,真的夠了, 放過我吧。


Moondust | 19th Nov 2010 | 一般 | (8 Reads)

多樣性。 您發現您有多少個自已?   

對工作,我總是非常進取並且努力向上。  我相信艱苦工作將換來努力成果。  我對自己有要求。  中國人說法: 不進則退。  它是個非常簡單的標準,但某些人從未做過也不實踐。  這是有要求的自興幸部分時間,我只對自己作要求。但有時這個她可真能利用刁鑽的手段,出色地去達到目的,而且脾氣可以非常暴躁。 有時她也會以貌取人,甚至狗眼看人低,都說她有時是很卑陋,我是知道的。 真不能相信我一直從這處找我的自我價值。

在家,我是個非常閒人  我讓我的-我的傭人-負責家裏每件事。我對她完全信任 。通常在家我會看看書,看看電視,或聽聽音樂但不會做家務。  有時,我會烹調家常便飯,但只有當我感覺喜歡的時候,或如果我必須要的時候。  這是懶惰的自  她不喜歡談話。

對同事,我通常跟比較正面和熱愛工作的那些人是較好朋友的。  我非常幸運。  我曾與至少五個至十個人小組一起個項目,然後也試過與十個至二十個更加資深的小組作更大的項目。 直到現在,我主要是自己處理個項目。  我知道我是有這能力,我指在小項目上。  但它在過程中去很多非常有趣的事,就是大家向著一個共同目標,分享所有樂趣、痛苦和淚花。 我愛團隊工作的感覺。  這是善社交的自; 她喜歡談話,那可關於任何東西。

對朋友,這是一個非常相似的情況。  我的大多數朋友現在都已是父母。他們大多數是親切有善謙遜有天賦和一些非常有天分的  大多數都察覺到,並且知道艱苦經營才能作好父母。  我的朋友名單通常不會長期存在的,是那些為人只靠表面功夫和好炫耀的,就不用客氣喇。 雖則有一件事,自我們漸漸地年長,明顯是更喜歡多見老朋友舊,卻相對少交新朋友。 在這種情況下,我們越來越多將我們的真顯示我們的真朋友面前  高興我有幾個真的老友,我們不介意看見彼此的真面  基本上,我們互相接納了大家的真面目,並且互相擁抱大家的真性情。  可能基於這些,因已較少交新朋友,而我現在更越來越少單身朋友喇。 當我的孩時,男性朋友告訴了我,他說不要在您沒有孩子的朋友談孩子。  這個明白 他結了婚15,一直沒有孩子。我很久  其他的單身女朋友,他們愛和我的子一起消磨時間。 所以,我仍然得到和單身朋友一起休閒相聚  到底我是單親母親,但也樂於單身。 這是個自由的自,她總跟隨她的自由意志

當我對著我的子時,我是一個母親一個補習老師  我知道我不是一個母親; 我不能我的子常常嘻嘻笑,跟我的傭人作的那些一樣多。此我是更加清楚,我只能是一個愛心媽媽更可能是一個乏味的媽媽當然不喜歡個乏味的媽媽  我有嘗試幾件事以便做的媽媽  一個月我帶我的他喜歡的地方一兩次,即使我覺得挺乏味。  又或一會兒,做某一瘋狂的事,晚上將他帶去我的朋友的派對中一  另一個挑戰,特別是教他讀書寫字和溫習的時候,是對我的耐心一個最大的考驗。那個操縱的母親自我常常要跳出來控制大局,指指點點,我努力抑壓她的。因為這實在幫倒忙。我認為大部分時候這是保護母親的自我,她希望教學相長,設法努力樂趣點子  信我,來說,它是真的艱。這母親自我角色也是我人生大的一課。

我總知道有一個小女孩我裡面,消失了好一會兒。  大約10年前她曾與一個小男孩一塊兒玩耍,到很多歡笑樂趣。 他們一起分享了許多樂、時光、傻事和笑聲。  在小男孩去之後,小女孩不想要再出來玩耍 我從來不喜歡嘲弄、常嘻笑樂人,只有當那個小女孩出來時,個挺有的自我 

最近我發現找到一個安靜的自來說,她是陌生人。 她不喜歡談話,喜歡讀和寫  她愛思考和享受安靜的時  這是罕見的自  我相信我從未沒有安靜,我的朋友同意。  但這安靜的自最近總是常常出現,並且我在她平和開始越來越長智慧。這跟懶惰的自我不一樣,這個她在嘗試出路。

您能找到多少個自我?  您能承認那些自我,而沒有自我批評和討厭他,甚或忽視他這部分的存在 請不要混淆這多自我和精神分裂。每一個自我都有它的特別功能和獨特恩賜,在您不自地他會幫您化險為夷。 您能發現一些不同的自不防花時間多認識他們。慢慢發現些不同的自我,跟您的成長和小時候的夢想大有關連!  淺一點這會幫助您簡單地認識自己多點,可找到成長和進步的空間 深一點,其實每一些不同的自我,都有背後的原因和他的存在價值。歸根究柢,只要您願意,您絕對可以是自己最好的朋友!


Moondust | 9th Nov 2010 | 一般 | (18 Reads)
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昨天晚上看了鏗鏘集- 見窮不見貧。才發現小時候的我離貧窮實在不遠。

在公共房屋長大的我,到現在都不太踏足那蜛居。以前的舊居已經坼卸了,但在夢裏卻常常出現,而且清澈得瀝瀝在目。

小小的床,沒有床墊的,應該是重來也沒有過。我睡下格,弟弟睡上格。電視櫃就在床前方。床的對面有張木沙發,因為爸爸只喜歡堅硬的椅子,我想跟他的勞碌性格配合。小小的廚房就一個爐灶旁邊有個水盤,現在的公共房屋還是這個設計吧。

我們一家五口就在這倆百尺活了二十年,都說是挺好的喇,比大陸好很多了,我爸媽說。

我也跟爸爸一樣有種賤骨頭的命,重來不喜歡太休閒的工作。就這樣很不容易的跑出了一條血路,也只不過是換湯不換藥,住的地方是改善了,但怕永遠不能擁有這物業,因為太貴了。感覺一切都只是過眼雲煙,只希望我的孩子活得比我好,那就是“青出於藍“吧。

但是在過去十至二十年,我在內地的表親們都比我們富有,他們的家過千尺吧。現在我的鄰居也不乏內地同胞,真是世界輪流傳。只是怕我永遠不能擁有的物業他們卻擁有不只一個吧